Chris Kam (@chrisjkam) is a filmmaker and photographer from Sonoma County, California. In the Summer of 2022, he developed a severe anxiety disorder that cost him the opportunity to go to film school. He ultimately created a documentary film where he shares his journey and how photography helped him recover from mental illness. The documentary and Kam's journey through anxiety struck a chord with photographers, filmmakers, creators and many others. In one of their most read stories of the year, The Washington Post ran an article about Kam and how he's using photography and filmmaking to cope with anxiety. We talked with Chris about the photo project, the film and how the act of artistic creation can be so beneficial to our overall health and well-being. 

Product Preview – In This Article You'll Find:
-Sony Alpha 7 IV
-Sony FX3
-Sony 16-35mm f/2.8 G Master
-Sony 24-105mm f/4 G

Photo by Chris Kam. Sony Alpha 7 IV. Sony 16-35mm f/2.8 G Master. 1/1600-sec., f/5.6, ISO 400

Finding His Passion


Chris Kam found his way to photography and filmmaking at a young age. He said that he was always making little videos of vacations, school field trips or whatever adventures he and his friends got into. When he was 14, his school began hiring him to make hype videos of their dances and other events. The school administration began sending his information to others who might want to hire him, and his first true client was the DJ for school dances. From there, he continued building his portfolio and business.

As he honed in on a love of filmmaking, he began combining it with another passion of his, the outdoor industry. “I started to focus my filmmaking more on the outdoor industry like outdoor recreation, environmental conservation and that kind of stuff,” he explains, "and that's where things kind of took off for me.” He got into film school in January of 2022 and was planning on attending in the fall.

Mental Health
 & Tools To Help

Kam describes himself as someone who has always dealt with anxiety. But throughout 2022, his anxiety intensified for a few reasons. First of all, he began working more and more to save up money for film school. “I started booking all these jobs like crazy and then the momentum and all the excitement got me to the point where I'm working seven days a week, and I barely just have enough time to sleep.” This brought Kam to a place of burnout and put his body under intense stress. 

In addition to the work pressure he was under, Kam had some unresolved things boiling under the surface. This included residual anxiety from the COVID-19 pandemic. Also, in 2020 the California wildfires were significant in his town. He was working as a wildfire journalist when his neighborhood burned. Thankfully, Kam didn’t lose his house, but many houses on the street burned.

Photo by Chris Kam. Sony Alpha 7 IV. Sony 24-105mm f/4 G. 1/15-sec., f/4, ISO 320

“All of these things kind of brewed a perfect storm for something like a panic disorder to happen in response to everything.” And that’s what happened to Kam, he developed severe panic attacks and anxiety. He struggled to complete seemingly simple tasks, such as brushing his teeth and getting off the couch. Leaving home led to panic attacks and he didn’t feel able to go to film school. Kam began seeing a therapist and getting needed medication. Slowly but surely he began learning tools to deal with his diagnosis. He began working on exposure therapy, to gradually confront his fears and overcome his anxiety.

The 30 Project: 30 Landscape Photos In 30 Days


Reflecting on his work, Kam says that while he had worked on fun and exciting film jobs, he hadn’t done a full passion project, something that really fulfilled him creatively. He had the idea to create a passion project that also helped him take steps in his exposure therapy. Thus, The 30 Project was born.

The idea is fairly simple – 30 landscape photos in 30 days. He could return to his love of landscape photography and spend every day in the month of September visiting a new location. This would help him build up his stamina and confidence to venturing out again. With his Sony Alpha 7 IV, Sony 16-35mm f/2.8 G Master and Sony 24-105mm f/4 G, Kam used his goal of making an image to concentrate on the photographic process, rather than the anxiety he was experiencing. Not only was he fulfilling himself creatively, he also was pushing himself and working on his mental health.

Day 1 of The 30 Project. Photo by Chris Kam. Sony Alpha 7 IV. Sony 16-35mm f/2.8 G Master. 1/50-sec., f/8, ISO 400

The 30 Project pushed Kam in many ways. His panic disorder was severe, so even going a few miles away from his house was a daunting task. He explains that the biggest lesson he took away from this was his ability to overcome and endure, in spite of anxiety. Kam recognizes that he’s always going to experience anxiety in his life, as we all do, but this project helped him learn that the anxiety doesn’t have to dictate his choices.

“When I was on these adventures during The 30 Project, I'd start to get feelings of panic. I had options, I could either start to panic and be like ‘screw this, I'm going home, I don't want to feel this way anymore. I'm just going to give up the project.’ But the other side of that coin is, sure I’m feeling a little panic right now, but if I just feel this and almost embrace it, that means that the next time this comes around, I don't have to feel scared. I don't have to cancel obligations because I'm anxious or miss out on opportunities. This project helped me learn to accept things instead of pushing them away.”

The Documentary


A filmmaker at heart, Kam set out to make a documentary about The 30 Project from the beginning. His plan was to show the artistic side of things and how this daily project helped him rejuvenate his creativity. He filmed himself throughout the project using his Sony FX3 on a tripod. He would set up the camera, and then shoot the scenes while simultaneously creating landscape images and managing his anxiety. For the logistics of filming, he chose the Sony FX3 for several reasons. “You get a camera that has really good dynamic range, great colors and is just all-around a great cinema camera – but in a small form factor that I could lug around on my shoulder. You wouldn't see me doing that with a RED or a rigged out Black Magic. So, the portability and quality was really perfect.”

The film was going well, the project was well underway, but about halfway through the project, Kam had a realization. “What I realized halfway through The 30 Project is if I can't tell my own story, my own truth, I don't want to say I'm a fraud but who am I? I can't be a documentary filmmaker if I can't tell my own story. So around halfway, I decided to start including more about my anxiety. Part of the reason I didn’t want to talk about it in the beginning was because of the stigma surrounding mental health, particularly for men. I was worried about revealing myself as someone who deals with that. But I needed to tell the real story, that I am really trying to recover from something serious.”

Premiere of Chris Kam's 'The 30 Project'

Sharing Despite Stigma


As Kam mentioned, there is still stigma around mental health issues. He was nervous about sharing this so publicly, with friends, family and even clients. He told us that for a while he would share clips on social media but not expressly state what the film was about. However, when he did finally share the film and the issues he faces, Kam said the reaction was incredibly positive. “What I found is that almost everybody in my life, especially the artistic people, deal with their own mental health challenges in some capacity or at least knows someone else who has gone through something can empathize. Even my clients. I was worried they were going to write me off, but I found even my clients dealt with very similar things to me. That made me feel less alone about what I had gone through. So opening up about it was one of the best things I could have done.”

Premiere of Chris Kam's 'The 30 Project'

After the film was released, Kam went to visit the film school he was supposed to attend. Many of the first year students recognized him from the film and were excited to meet him and chat about The 30 Project and filmmaking in general. “That was really cool just because one of my biggest fears back when I was still contemplating going to school that year was that people weren't going to accept me. That I was just going to be a burden to people, not have any friends and have to leave school. But just seeing how literally dozens of people were so supportive of me really changed the way that I view going to college now, because I know that if I have anxiety, people are still going to be welcoming.”

Moving Forward & Advice For Others


Coming off the success of the film and the tools he learned in therapy, Kam feels ready to step out into the world. He will be attending Chapman University film school in the fall. He is also organizing a film festival with a friend of his. The Cerro Gordo Film Festival will take place in September and the participants will have 48 hours to write, shoot and edit a film in the ghost town of Cerro Gordo, CA. The ghost town was featured in The 30 Project as well.

Reflecting on this journey, Kam shares advice for other aspiring filmmakers. He says that you should make a film that you love and are passionate about, and that you would be proud of, even if no one ends up seeing it. He says that when he’s feeling highly anxious, he will watch his own film, and having a project that he’s proud of in that way is what truly defines his success. He also talked about how he’s been able to make connections and build his network. “Just being a human first and valuing your connections with other people, as opposed to just using people for whatever they can give you. That's a way that I've found a lot of success.”

Photo by Chris Kam. Sony Alpha 7 IV. Sony 16-35mm f/2.8 G Master. 1/1250-sec., f/2.8, ISO 100

As for what advice Kam would share with others who are dealing with anxiety, he says, “First off, go to therapy. As someone who was scared of therapy and was scared of this stigma, I know how bad that stigma is, but it really changed my life. And then I think just talk about it. If you're going through something like anxiety, depression or what have you, talk about it whether that's with a friend, your parents, or just someone you trust, because the weight of holding in everything that you've gone through, it's a lot.”

Keep up with Chris Kam and his adventures by following him on Instagram @chrisjkam. 

If you are seeking help for mental health you can find resources HERE and HERE.